Back in April I started driving taxi cab again. Due to the job I had working for Arbys where I wasn't getting enough hours and earning a measly $7.25 an hr, I needed something. So, after much convincing from a friend, I agreed to trying the cab thing again. When I started things were going great. I was continuing to work at Arbys to earn the money to pay my child support and living off of the cab money. I got to meet some cool guys and eventually I was able to meet our weekend night dispatcher Tina. She was a great dispatcher, at the time that is. She was also dating one of the other drivers, Ryan, who was also a rolling dispatcher. Everytime I talked to him on the phone about fares and such it was great. I also knew that he was dating her. At one point, he informed me that she did not give out her number until she got to know you. By this time, I already had the personal numbers of all the dispatchers but hers. No big deal. Then she suffered her own crisis when her and Ryan broke up. I found out later that she had attempted suicide. When I found out about this, my heart broke. Having lost my mother to suicide and attempting it myself, I really felt for her. Well, she made it through.
So, after she recovered and started working again, things started to slide down hill a bit. There would be times in which she was on and I would have to call her to find out where the run was at etc. At one point, she actually asked me how my day was. I was shocked and pleased. So then we just started texting each other when things were slow and sometimes even chatting over the phone. Eventually I asked her if she wanted to meet up and meet in person. So the original plan was to meet up at Pappy's Tavern in Andover. It would be her and I and her ex (they were friends she told me). At one point, she asked if I could just pick them at their place (she was staying in the RV and he was supposed to be staying in the house). So I agreed. I got there early, so we were hanging out, talking cab business etc. We went up to the bar, had a great time and then she asked me when Ryan went to the bathroom if she was what I expected. I told her yes and more. Then we headed back to property to have a bond fire. Well, at some point, I heard glass shatter. Which comes to find out that she had tried Meth a couple of times according to her. Which sent red flags up to me. BUT, then a little while later he wanted to smoke Meth with me there and that caused a huge fight between the two of them. When the fight ended, her and I left and she spent the rest of the night with me in the cab. Later the next day, she had me return her so she could get shit figured out. I told her to keep in touch and let me know how things go. I was worried after all. I did not hear from her till later that night. She had fallen asleep. Ok, no big deal. This went on for a few days and then I got a text from her that she was leaving the ER. I texted back to find out why she was there to find out that Ryan had assaulted her with a fire extinguisher by spraying it in her face at point blank range. By this time, she found out she was pregnant. She told me that she was going to stay with her twin sister Tasha for awhile because of this. Later that night as I was heading down to Down Town Minneapolis with a fare, I get a phone call from her wondering where I was and if I was close by. I asked her why and she told me that she got into an argument with her sister and was walking down the road and she wanted me to pick her up. I told her I had a fare and I would pick her up as soon as I cleared out. She told me her phone was about to die, so I told her to go to Perkins and wait for me. So, I cleared out of the fare and I picked her up. Again, she spent the night with me. Then the next day I dropped her off at her Aunts in Anoka. Well, we continued to talk and such and since she had the argument with Ryan about the Meth use, I figured according to her that she had kicked the habit. Eventually, we spent so much time together and I took her to all her Dr. appts for the baby that feelings grew stronger to the point I fell in love with her as she did me.
Things were going great. We had discussed numerous times about getting our own place and such. Then, in the beginning of July, we both lost our jobs. That sent things into a downward spiral. She started to withdraw from me and became more irritable. Eventually, she asked me to go to Ryan's so she could get some smokes from him. Prior to all this, he had been texting her nasty messages to the point where she had told him to leave her alone and that she did not want him in her or the baby's life. (baby not his because he has AIDS and she is clean). Well, that all changed. So, we go over there, she at one point looked at Ryan and said ready talk? But, I could not go out with her. Trying to trust her and show it, I let her go. BIG mistake. She relapsed and smoked the Meth. That night, I went to bed since I had to work in the morning at my new job. I went to bed about midnight and when I woke up at 1:30 to pee, she was gone and she left a note saying she went on a couple of runs with Ryan to help him out. She did not leave her phone so I could get in contact with her. So, I was up all night with worry. She did not show up till 5 am. Which after we talked awhile, she admitted to me that she had smoked. My heart broke in two. I had already told her that I would kick her ass if she did it again. Well, I went to work in which I spent time thinking. When I got back after work, she revealed to me how their talk went and how she wanted him to be the godfather of the baby and be there at the next ultrasound. Since she was still flying from the shit, I didn't know how else to act except to accept what she said. Well, went to go to bed that night and again I slept alone. I awoke at 7 am to her and him asleep on the couch. I woke her up to ask her when her Aunt woke up so I could go get my laptop before work. She told me 8am. I left at 7:30 considering I didn't have to work till 11. It did not faze her that I was leaving that early. That was the last time I saw her. When I saw her with Ryan like that, it brought back memories of my divorce and how my ex wife would have a guy come over 'bout the time I would be getting ready for bed if not already asleep. She knew this as well. So, I went to seek comfort and about 9am she sent me a text (which I was getting on my computer) that she missed me and to have a good day at work. I was told by her Aunt that I could stay if I needed to that night. I took Auntie up on that. I texted her letting her know that I was doing this and I also mentioned how we needed to talk face to face. But, because I was not getting replies fast enough, I didn't know what was going on and my emotions where running the show. I also met up with my friend Jeneen to talk to her about everything that was happening. Jeneen and I tried texting her to go get her and heard nothing. I didn't get a text till the next morning early. Tina thought I had abandoned her. Well, I called her that morning before work and tried to get her after work, and she told me no. Everytime I tried to meet face to face and she did agree, she changed her mind. I was also talking to her sister Mariah, who had told me in the past that if I ever needed to talk, I could talk to her. Big mistake there. She was twisting up everything I was saying and telling it to Tina and vice versa. Then after I had it set up to meet Tina on Sunday, I get a message early in the morning from Mariah chewing me out about the whole in patient thing with Tina. Mariah is living in Nevada btw, so she's not even here to know truly what is going on. She is playing this off like Tina had smoked at cigarette after 4 mos. of no smoking. So, anyways, I knew after I got that message that the meeting was gonna be canceled. And it was. Tina was thinking I was being vindictive. Well, the last message I got from Tina she was saying how she was done saying she was sorry and that it was up to me if I wanted to forgive her or not. I told her I did forgive her and that I understood that she is human. Because of her being doped up, I could not reveal to her my true feelings because I know she either would not care or not understand. She continues to live at the place where Meth is around. I had to tell my daughter, and that broke my heart. So, as you can see, Meth destroyed the relationship I had with Tina, who I really felt a connection with. I have never in my entire life of dating felt these feelings nor cried so much. I didn't even cry this much during my divorce! So, if you know of a loved one addicted, get them help. I could have helped Tina with outpatient treatment if she would have only let me know how strong those cravings really were. I pray she will contact me when she has gotten better and maybe we could try again. And I hope I can have a place to keep her safe outside of Anoka county. But, only time will tell. In the mean time, I have to step away and let her deal with her demon. I can't do it for her. I can only deal with it on the sidelines. Everyday I think about her. I do truly love this woman. I hope she does me too. And I hope she can get out of the haze and realize this. God Speed
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